Guess what I did today. I BURNED my most recent fitness diary (AKA, my caloric obsession book) that was from August to October of last year. I did it, all by myself. Well, Lesley helped me burn it, but I was the one that decided to. Hooray for symbolically getting rid of 2 months of self-inflicted mental torture. Now if it would just stay gone...I've been feeling down a lot more lately, and today was one of those days. I kept getting "sad" for no apparent reason, and I spent a good part of the day crying over nothing, or at least what seems like nothing. I have no explanation for why I get like this, because it doesn't seem to me like there's anything "wrong"--which just makes it worse.
Sometimes, a lot of the time actually, it gets so bad that I physically hurt as well. My heart sometimes feels like it's sinking because it's so heavy. Sometimes I feel like I don't even have a heart because it has sunk so far down. And all I can do is cry, or sit somewhere and stare off into space, hoping no one notices me.
God, that sounds so...Emo Kid. I'm pathetic.
I'm so glad I have Lesley. He does his best to cheer me up and make me smile, and usually succeeds. Or he'll just hold me and let me cry until I'm able to stop on my own. He always seems to know which I need, and he's so caring and so good to me. I'm so lucky right now. It's not everyday you have someone tickle you so much you can't breathe (and then give you a massage to help you breathe again), and when you're sad again a few minutes later say, "Well, maybe sometimes it's good to be sad. It helps you appreciate when you're happy." I love him for that and everything else he does to show how much he cares. I love him very dearly!
Well, I don't really feel much better mentally, I'm not tired, and I promised Lesley I wouldn't cry anymore tonight...So I guess I'll go read or something for a while.
The end.
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