| Earlier today, I was sitting on the bus, on my way back to school, and I was thinking about Trevor (pfft, hear me out ok?) and why I should be over him. He was never there for me when I needed him, and all that jazz or whatever the reason of the week is when people break up. (But I'm not over him. Don't misunderstand me.) So I was thinking and some questions kept repeating themselves in my mind. How mature do you have to be before you're immature?
In this case, I'm referring to the fact that I've grown up, I've matured. And in many lights, I was already mature. But when it comes to relationships, I'm really immature. I have a mature immaturity in the sense that I know how to act in a relationship, (I know how communication is important. I know you have to pick your battles. I know the basics of what not to do. Etc. Etc. Etc.) but when I'm in a relationship, I become too attached to the person too easily, and that's how I'm immature. So when, in all our "maturity", do we realize just how lacking maturity we really are?How much do you have to understand to admit that you don't understand at all?
I thought about how I can know something (for example, I can understand how someone acts), but I don't know anything at all. This question sort of goes with the one above, but it's different. How can you understand how a person acts, why they act that way, what they're going to do next, what to do in a relationship and all that stuff, and still be mystified when they do do something that you expected all along? How can someone be so predictable, and yet so unbelievably unpredictable at the same time? How can the things I, or anyone, understand, be the things that confuse me the most?Why do we turn off the obvious and replace it with fantasy? Besides just not wanting to believe it, there has to be another answer. There has to be more to it than just not wanting to believe what's right in front of you.Obviously, and of course, this all pertains to relationships. Just some thoughts that ran through my head. (To give you an idea about the speed of my random thoughts, it took about 10 times longer to unzip my backpack to get a pen so I can scribble a few thoughts down, than it did for me to have all of these thoughts jumbled together.) I feel I should point out, these aren't general statements, These are about me and my behavior. Moving on. I'm trying to understand myself right now. I'm trying to understand how I keep ending up in the same place, despite doing things differently. Throw out the bad (what doesn't work) and keep the good (what does). But what if I have it mixed up?... Backward - Forward |
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